This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
