you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
