i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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