That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize