she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize