I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
