You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
