would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
