Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
