Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I met the friendliest cop last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize