In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
