the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
