it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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