puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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