I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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