dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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