she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
