it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
