I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
