there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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