one two three fourrrrnication!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
