Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
