you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize