im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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