We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
