i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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