I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
