At least make sure they are 18
Why
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
high people should be assigned attendants
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
