Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
