i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
