I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Rumble strips road head = magical
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize