Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
