sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
