Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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