she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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