I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
