i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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