Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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