There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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