u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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