The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize