My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
