Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's shark week go big or go home
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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