Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
