Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
