If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize