Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
