How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
