He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
