omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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