And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it hurts more in the daytime
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
