You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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