Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
