I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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