I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
