Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
