tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
