Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
