I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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