When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
