So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
