Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
