Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
