Your face is a jimmy john
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
