He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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