he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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