I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
