Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
