Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
