Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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