false alarm. still invincible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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