Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
