Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
