just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
