someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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