I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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