At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
