bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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