Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
