i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
