i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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