look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
