I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
