she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
