yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
