Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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