OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
