Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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