i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
