I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
