I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
