Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize